Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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