well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
