we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
