but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
