those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize