I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
