She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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