I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think my tv is drunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
