a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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