are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
