You smell like stripper and shame
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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