just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your cock deserves a montage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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