well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
