Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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