you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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