His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
