Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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