Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
