Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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