There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
