I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dignity is for republicans.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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