just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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