Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
