Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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