She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
