so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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