you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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