So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
