There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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