Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do vagina's smell?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
