someone threw a dead crab at me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize