Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
