I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
