i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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