Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
