So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
