she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
a search helicopter?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
