Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
