Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
