What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
