The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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