youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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