so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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