I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
