I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
