Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
