Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize