There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We left the knife in your bed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
