Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
