I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
