worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize