theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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