My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
