I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize