This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
