I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
