sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
