Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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