Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
