Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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