Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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