the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
