she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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