if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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