Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
