I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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