You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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