I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
