there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
