i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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