He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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