party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
