I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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