If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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