WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
