Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
