Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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