i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
