You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
