My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
