I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
