Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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