mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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