Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize