that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize