WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just made out with a guy for $7.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
