Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
