A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
