just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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