There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
