So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
