I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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