According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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