What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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