He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
